Thursday, August 06, 2009

i m listening to the radio. and holy crap. rihanna's new song is horrendous, she can barely sing and now shes doing that rap crap with a thick whiny draggy monotonous voice. give me a break man.

i realize too that as humans, we have the innate ability to disillusion ourselves by fixating our minds on perceived, hopeful or expected answers, so much so that, when a person says no, or says something else, we, for reasons beyond our comprehension seem to mistakenly hear our desired answers, resulting in actions that confuse those we interact with. happened to me today. no biggie. just a thought.

me saying 'i cant wait to ORD' must be the world's biggest understatement at the moment. when i was at charlie, in my opinion, i was excelling at that job, i was owning dude! the job i felt was too small for me, i had frens but they were different, really nice people with whom i enjoyed company with, but frequency and conversation wise, i couldnt fit that well. it wasnt all that ideal to me, afterall i was and still am pretty atas.

so i longed for greener pastures, i came over to this place, it seemed like paradise to me. i enjoyed the company of shixian, kendrick, kin ho & alvin. then the cycle of ORD comes along, batches go and new batches come in, the current 'bosses' werent so outspoken then. so came the dawn of a newer era i guess. the one with under-table politics, with the free food and snacks acting as a frequent pacifier, with expectations of returns and favours as tho the free food and snacks was some sort of investment. lesser initiative, lesser effectiveness, different mindsets and attitudes & clique divisions between the 'street smart, people smart, normal people' and the mixture of wad they perceive as 'not so capable, not so street or people smart, or the not so normal people'. funnily, i find myself unable to fully integrate myself in either.

i used to think, after bmt, after charlie, maybe i ll finally find people i ll be really close to, and i ll finally be able to say i made some real good frens out of my ns life, some i would be in contact with by the time i ROD, or some i ll invite to my wedding, house-warming? perhaps. perhaps not. suddenly, the grass dont seem to be that green afterall.

maybe its elitism coming a full circle. maybe i m just bad at currying favour. maybe i m bad at maintaining frenships. or maybe atas people are the only ones i can really interact with. maybe i was better off enlisting on December 15. i ll probably never know.

|cowpoo| 12:39 PM|

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